#ego-check

Forgive other people, too. That doesn't mean you are going to be a door mat and let people walk all over you. What it does mean is that you aren't going to waste on them the brain cells that you could use for becoming awesome. Forgive, but don't forget.

-AnnMarie De Mars

Arvake, kas olin päev pärast võistlusi krapsti tagasi trennis - tõsi, pisut valutavana - või ei? 

Muidugi olin. Ja täna avastasin, et kuidagimoodi on sinikad end istutanud isegi mu näkku.

***

Lugesin eelmise blogipostituse uuesti läbi. Ai, kuidas see kibedus lõikas. Esimene emotsioon oli terav kui värskelt teritatud nuga. Nii juhtub, kui kokku saavad midagi, millest väga-väga hoolid ja ebaõiglus.

Mind aitas sellest välja midagi, mida Dion trenni alguses ütles. Ta rääkis, et võistlused on eelkõige selleks, et su jits paremaks muutuks. Saad sealt ju otsese ja vahetu, juurteni ausa tagasiside. 

Ja et jitsis pole kaotusi - sa kas võidad või õpid.

"And Laura - did both," ütles ta. Tõepoolest. Võitsin ja õppisin. Ühe ja sama matši käigus.

Taipasin sel hetkel, et tolle matšiga sai haavata mu ego. Seepärast käisin veel eile lõunal ringi, turris kui tagajalast haavata saanud okassiga.

Pärast trenni vaatasin peeglisse: jep, tolle avatud kaalus toimunud matši lõpptulemus oli ebaõiglane. Mul on nüüd valida, kas näha suurt pilti ja juhtunust õppida - või vinguda. Valisin esimese.

"You have to suck it up," teatas Dion. Õige.

Seth, mu ülitore klubikaaslane subis mind sellepeale sparris kolm korda järjest, iga kord armbar. Mõjus väga teraapiliselt.

Siis ütles midagi äärmiselt arusaamatut. Esimese hooga mõtlesin, et ta proovib araabia keelt rääkida.

Nägin ta peopesa. Sinna oli sinise pastakaga kirjutatud:

"Vahel võidad. Vahel kaotad. Aga alati õpid." Puhtas eesti keeles.

Tõsi, higi oli pastakajälgi päris korralikult tuuseldanud. See tsitaat pärineb mu eelmisest blogipostitusest.

Nagu soe kassipoeg oleks sülle pugenud. Samasugune tunne tekkis. 

***

Õpin nüüd hoolega takedowne. Võistlustel ma lihtsalt ei julgenud neid teha. Ei usaldanud tehnikat, mida õppinud olin. Never again. Takedownid tulevad täiega teemaks. Kohene guardi pullimine ka.

Helin, kelle indiaaninimi oleks suure tõenäosusega Malbe Suvetuul, aitas pisut matše analüüsida. Džein lubas ka vaadata, ja kui keegi teine ütleks midagi, siis oleks mul hästi hea meel. Aus tagasiside kulub väga ära ja on oodatud. Väga.

Laura

PS: otsustasin natuke aega turtli riiulile panna. Mul on sellega mingi kala - lähen sinna iga kord, kui vähegi end ohustatuna tunnen. See on kõige turvalisem koht üldse, kus olla. Ja siis olen seal. Ei tee midagi. Olen natuke aega turtlivaba ja siis võtan uuesti käsile.

Teine võimalus oleks turtli-rünnakuid (kimura!) üle korrata, aga mul ei ole meeles, kuidas need käisid... kimurahaare, kuskilepoole rullimine, õlakontroll? Eeeehhh...

PPS: naljakal kombel tunnen nüüd kõige rohkem headmeelt just esimese matši üle - mille kaotasin. Kristina oli raske vastane, aga suutsin vastu panna. Tegin vigu, magasin sada põgenemisvõimalust maha, aga teen sellegi kallal tööd. 

PPPS: As for revenge - success is the best revenge. Life is better for you and with no extra effort on your part, it often makes those people who have treated you badly feel furious or belittled because they're that kind of people. -Dr. AnnMarie De Mars

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My Australian friends requested the blog posts in English. So here you go. But! I really need your help. I want to practice my English, so if there are ANY grammar mistakes - please let me know. Thanks!

#ego-check 

Forgive other people, too. That doesn't mean you are going to be a door mat and let people walk all over you. What it does mean is that you aren't going to waste on them the brain cells that you could use for becoming awesome. Forgive, but don't forget.

-AnnMarie De Mars

Guess if I went to the BJJ class right the next day after comp or no (with the sore muscles and everything)?

Of course I did.

So. Today I discovered I have bruises on my face. How the hell..?

***

I re-read the last blogpost. Ouch. My post-third-match emotions were so bitter. Which is exactly what happens when something you care about meets unfairness.

I felt so much better after I heard my new coach Dion's pep talk right in the beginning of BJJ class. He reminded me what is the point of the comp. To improve. You are getting direct feedback from there.

Plus you can't lie on the mats. You are exactly as good as you are. No faking. The end.

He also added there are no losses in jiu-jitsu - you either win or learn.

"And Laura - did both," he told. Yes, I did.

I also understood my ego was the one that got hurt. Even yesterday I walked around like a spiky porcupine, angry about what happened. After the class I faced the mirror and decided the result, in matter of fact, was unfair. But it's my choice what to do (or feel) next. I can either look at the bigger picture and decide to learn - or whine. I decided to learn.

"You have to suck it up," Dion said. And he is right.

Seth, my awfully nice training partner submitted me three times in a row - every time with an armbar. It kind of felt like therapy.

After the roll he told me something in a language I did not recognize - arabic?

Only when I saw his palms I understood. There it was, written in blue ink, in Estonian: "Vahel võidad. Vahel kaotad. Aga alati õpid." (Sometimes you win. Sometimes lose. But always learn.)

Sweat had done pretty awful work with the message, but whatever. So darn sweet.

***

From now on I plan to practice takedowns - as much as I can. I did not have the courage to do them in comp. Probably because I did not trust the technique. (That situation -never again.)

My Estonian training partner Helin (she is sweet as a summer wind - until she goes to cage and fight) helped me analyze the matches. My other training partner Jane also promised to watch them and give some advice. I would be grateful for any kind of help. After all - honest feedback helps me to become a better fighter.

Laura

PS: I decided to put my turtle game on hold for a while. I have some struggles with it - I tend use it every time I feel threatened. It is my comfort zone. But my jits is in desperate need of attacks, so...

I could also develop the submissions from turtle, but -oh, dang- I can't remember how to do it.

PPS: ironically I feel the most proud of the match I lost. Kristina was really good opponent - and I survived her attacks. I also made lots of mistakes, had so many chances to escape, but did not use them.  Nevertheless - learned so much from this fight.

PPPS: As for revenge - success is the best revenge. Life is better for you and with no extra effort on your part, it often makes those people who have treated you badly feel furious or belittled because they're that kind of people. -Dr. AnnMarie De Mars